15 weeks, my little thumb sucker

I had my 15 week ultrasound done last week and I am happy to report the baby looked great! It was measuring right on track and was super active kicking around and even sucking it's thumb! I was blown away how much the baby has developed over the past 4 weeks. Seriously such a miracle. Even at 15 weeks this baby is a little human and precious life! I was hoping to get a sneak peak at the gender, but the ultra sound tech said it was still too early to tell. Whomp whomp. This was my first abdominal ultrasound and I decided to take Macy with me. I have been too nervous to take her up until now because I have always had this feeling I was going to find out bad news. I woke up totally intending on dropping her off at school that morning but she looked and me and said she didn't want to go, and I just felt so guilty. So I decided to trust God that everything was going to be fine and let her come with me- which was so fun! She absolutely loved getting to see the baby and I think it finally made it so much more real for her. The fibroid measured 11.5 x 10 cm. Holy smokes. Although it measured bigger, since it was my first abdominal ultrasound I am hoping it is about the same size. PRAYING it doesn't get any bigger! I am still not sure how this is all going to pan out, but once again, God is bigger than this fibroid and I know I have many who are praying for me and those who have already laid hands on my belly and told it to stop in Jesus' name! (You know who are you).

I am definitely feeling so much better. If I wasn't so huge I think I would actually start feeling like a normal human being again. My belly has grown so fast that it has been really uncomfortable everywhere, mostly my back. I have started going to see a chiropractor in hopes I can control the back pain as I continue to grow. I wasn't this big until I was about 24 weeks. Let me (sarcastically) say how excited I am to see how huge I am going to get (crying tears). But seriously just feel blessed to be able to carry this baby and know all the hard work will come after the baby has safely arrived!

I know this sounds crazy, but by the profile I feel like "it" looks like a "he"!

Little thumb sucker at 15 weeks, blew me away!

Bathroom selfie at work. Hi, I am huge. 

11 week bump and a bump date

11 weeks came with ultrasound #2 and the first time meeting my OB since finding out we were pregnant. As soon as the US tech placed the probe (you know where) I could see the large fibroid staring right back at me. Compared to the size of the baby/sac, it is startling to see. It measured 10 cm, so not too much growth since week 7, but still so so so much bigger than any of us had anticipated it would be. The surge of those first trimester hormones + 2 rounds of clomid increased the fibroid from 4.8 cm to 10 cm. Ugh. The good news, well GREAT news, was that baby measured exactly on track with a strong heart beat of 154 bmp. Listening to that rapid heart beat never gets old. 

The picture is upside down, but as you can see, the fibroid is already making itself known (at the bottom of the pic)

I finally got to meet with my OB to discuss the implications of this all. As part of her job, she had to start off by reviewing the possibilities we could endure with a fibroid this size. Miscarriage, preterm labor -all of the things I had previously read online. She really felt our biggest risk will be limited fetal growth in the final weeks, and if this is the case, the baby will have to be born early. If for some reason I am not able to delivery vaginally and require a c-section, then more risks can occur. She won't know until she opens me up to see exactly where the fibroid is. If she had to cut through it to get to the baby, she would not be able to close my uterus back up (because it is dead tissue) and therefore I would need a hysterectomy. That was definitely eye opening news. I mean hello I am only 30. And I definitely don't feel ready to close the baby making chapter in my life. When she did my physical exam she noted that the top of my uterus was already up to my umbilicus, so because of the fibroid I measured 18 weeks. No wonder I couldn't fit in to anything already! The consultation was about an hour and I left feeling so overwhelmed. I asked her, is this (the pregnancy) even news I should be sharing with others? She reassured me that the baby was measuring perfectly and there was no reason to believe anything was going to terminate the pregnancy at this point. 

9 weeks, people already asking me when I am due. 

Talk about a spiral of emotions, again. I have yet to ever leave her office feeling relieved. Of course, I was so happy to see the baby thriving. But the thought of all of the unknowns to come took me awhile to wrap my head around. To be honest I started feeling really guilty. Did I rush this? Should I have listened to my previous OB and had surgery first? Am I putting myself and this baby at risk because I was so desperate to have a baby when I thought "was good timing". The feelings of guilt were eating away at me and I had to remind myself that  God is in control. I did not make this baby. The fact that two cells can come together and form another human being is life's biggest miracle. Only God could do that, and he chose to do that, exactly when he did. 

Weeks 7-11 were pretty rough. The nausea finally went away by week 12- thank you Jesus! The fatigue is better, so much better, but still so bad at the same time. I have about a good 4 hours in me each day. Much more than that I'm on the struggle bus. My body changed so quickly this time so that has really been a mind game. Talk about body dysmorphia. I went from not being pregnant to looking like I was 5 months pregnant in a matter of 3 weeks. Whoa. I still haven't gotten back in to working out. I am holding on to hope that as I round the corner in to the second trimester that I will have more energy (and desire) to. 

I will be getting ultrasounds every 4 weeks through out my pregnancy to measure the fibroid and baby growth. So there's one upside to this all. My next one is next week. Now that I have "officially" shared our news I feel so vulnerable. I still can't help but feel the other shoe is going to drop at any point and I will be told something is terribly wrong. And then once your news is out, you have to explain it all again. But like I said, I am doing my best to protect my mind from these thoughts and stay positive. To remember the baby (as far as I know) is growing and thriving. And that God chose us to be pregnant at this very time. 

Ready or not, the news is officially official!

8 weeks with baby #2

(written September 9, 2015)

At 7 weeks I was able to go in for an early ultrasound due to my history of fibroid. Good news was that the baby measured right on track and the heartbeat was strong at 120 bmp. yay! Bad news was the my fibroid has continued to grow, now measuring almost 9 cm (around 4 inches) which is huge. I left the office feeling almost worse than I did going in, even though the baby looked great so far. I, like any normal human being, went straight to internet and read online boards and boards of horrific experiences women have had with large fibroids during pregnancy. Some of the things I read, but not limited to, included excruciating pain when the fibroid eventually "degenerates" or dies off from lack of blood supply -I'm talking hospitalizations hooked up to IV narcotics-, preterm labor, emergency C-section, and miscarriage. Now, before I even got pregnant, my OB assured me that the size and placement of my fibroid should not cause me any issues. I have to remind myself that over and over again. I will go for another ultrasound on Sept 24 to reevaluate the baby and fibroid and will see my doctor at that time. If everything checks out then, I will feel so much better about everything and can officially make my news public. I keep thinking of cute ways to reveal, but have nothing set in stone. In the mean time, boy has this pregnancy been different. 

I do not remember being this tired before, or have I just forgotten? I mean I am miserable. I can't accomplish anything around the house. Getting up, taking care of myself and Macy is about as much as I can do in a day. No house work, no cooking, no cleaning. Definitely no exercising- which is a bum because that is something I really wanted to stay on top of this time. I am hopeful here in a few weeks I will be able to keep it up again. We got a treadmill and that will help, especially through the winter months. I have also been so nauseous with the worst food aversions. Basically all I want to eat is carbs. Bagel for breakfast, crackers for snack, sandwich for lunch, you get the idea. This, along with my inactivity up to this point, is not going to fair well for me in the long run. Hoping once I get through these first few weeks of complete misery I can start eating better and working out. My parenting game is also pretty weak right now. Luckily Macy has been pretty good about entertaining herself, and sad to say, there has been more Netflix played than ever. But you know, you do what you gotta do. I wont let myself feel guilty about that- I am growing a human for goodness sake! 

Overall this pregnancy  has been 100% different than the last. It was planned, I have this fibroid, I feel terrible, I have a 3 year old at home to take care of. But, I feel so blessed to be feeling bad, because that means my body is busy making a baby! I can't wait to see what the next US and follow up brings. Until then, saltines and ginger ale it is!

I popped IMMEDIATELY, I can thank my fibroid for that one

This belly filled out fast. I was in awe how quickly my body changed this time.

A parenting win! Dual quiet times- a must!!

And then there were 4.

(written July 31, 2015)

How we got here

Dusting the blog off for the first time in over a year, but for a very exciting reason. I am officially pregnant with baby number 2. What a joy and blessing. But it has not been an easy road to get here. 

Ever since we had Macy we weren’t sure what our plans to expand our family would be. After she was born I was busy finishing up grad school and it seemed there were a lot of factors in our life up in the air. When Macy turned 2 I loved it so much, I wasn’t even sure I wanted any more kids. We were whole, complete, and so satisfied. My heart was full. I graduated the May she turned 2 then started my new job, a whole new career. I knew I didn’t want to get pregnant right away so I could get settled in this new role. Finally by the end of 2014, my heart started telling me I wanted to expand our family. Macy is such a social being, thriving off interaction with others, with enough energy to light up a city. This girl definitely needs a sibling. 

We waited until the turn of the year, and got right to work. Naturally (foolishly), I assumed we would try and get pregnant the very first month. We weren’t even trying when I conceived Macy, so obviously we make babies pretty easily right? The first month came and went and I wasn’t pregnant. I was super bummed but tried not to be too hard on myself considering it had only been one month. The next month came, and once again, no baby was made. This time I was really sad. So the next month I decided to track my ovulation instead of going off the calendar so we KNEW exactly when to try to conceive. During this time I started having a ton of break through bleeding, and never ovulated that month, and my cycle was 43 days long. That is when I really started to worry something was wrong with me, and I came to the realization this wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought it would be. The longer we tried, the stronger my desire became to have another baby. I cried out to God, saddened that my body was failing me. I had an ultrasound done which revealed a large fibroid on my uterus, and my OB mentioned we should “wait and watch” it for a while. If it continued to grow then I should have it surgically removed. And if that happened, I would have to wait at least 6+ months before trying to conceive again. I was absolutely heartbroken with this news. This wasn’t the plan. I wanted Macy to have a sibling and now I wasn’t sure if that was going to be a possibility for at least another year. I shed a lot of tears but prayed to God for peace, and He answered my prayers quickly. Life with one child is amazing. If one day we have another, than that will be just another blessing, but for now we are so lucky to have our sweet healthy girl. 

In the mean time I also had to switch OBs as my previous one was leaving her practice. My new OB performed another ultrasound and felt that even though the fibroid was quite large, it was in an “optimal place” for conceiving. She did not believe I would need to have surgery prior to having another baby. My heart sang with joy after I met with her. My next question was, well why am I not ovulating? She offered I see a fertility specialist, but also said I could trial Clomid for a few months to see if that would help. I was totally on board with trying the Clomid and got right to work. We were now in month 6 of the conceiving process so I was excited to try it. I took it the first month, had a blood draw that confirmed I ovulated, and when it was time to take a pregnancy test I just KNEW it was going to positive.  

Well it wasn’t. And the torture continued as I was 5 days late. I finally started my period and I was devastated. I couldn’t blame it on not ovulating this time. This is when the fear really started to enter in. What is wrong with my body? Was my OB wrong and I wouldn’t be able to conceive without first having surgery? I cried for a good day, then went on with life. I knew we would be out of state visiting family the next time I would be fertile so I didn’t take Clomid the second month. We had normal “activities” not planned around any timing, and when I started my period that month I didn’t cry. For the first time in 6 months. I told myself I would give this Clomid thing one more try before seeking the fertility specialist and really guarded my heart on any expectations. I did track my ovulation this month, but for the first time I really felt relaxed about the whole situation. It wasn’t consuming my every thought. It wasn’t really on my mind at all actually. Before I knew it, it was 14 days after I ovulated and I knew I could take a test. I popped out of bed early Saturday morning and took a test. There was the faintest of faint lines and I was ecstatic. I had taken so many tests in the past 8 months that I knew that even a faint line was good. I crawled back in bed and praised Jesus. I cried again, but this time they were tears of joy. All the heart ache over the past 8 months has brought me here, worshiping the Lord with my whole being, at 6 am on dreary Saturday morning. I told my husband once he woke up but he wasn’t as excited about the faint line as I was. He was worried I was setting myself up for an epic let down. He wanted more concrete proof so the next morning I took a digital test, which of course read “pregnant” right away. I was giddy to see that. 

Now, at only 5 weeks, I feel I am still in just a “waiting” period. I know there are so many risks this early on so I am keeping mum, and praying for this little baby in womb every day. That it would grow and thrive, and it would one day know Jesus. If all goes planned, I would be due mid-April. I will have my first ultrasound at the end of next month, and after that time I think I will finally be able to let out a good “sigh” of relief. I am feeling well, still like myself. I didn’t start really feeling anything until I was right at 6 weeks with Macy, so we will see what happens here soon. But to be honest, I would be blessed and privileged to feel sick because that meant that my hormones are doing everything they can do form this baby and I am good with that!

The first positive test with a very faint "plus sign"

Officially PREGNANT!

Summer Highlights

Ugh. Why does summer always seem to FLY by? These cooler temps lately make me feel like the summer is officially wrapping up, and my heart is breaking a little inside. But man, have we sure have had the best summer. Ever. I had 2 full months off before I started back at work, and even now with 2 days a week off, I have had plenty of time to squeeze in some fun. Having a 2 year old is pretty awesome too. I love having a little sidekick to experience life with!

Here's a little highlight reel of our summer so far.

Diva in the pool. She loves to go "swimming like a mermaid". She has become very independent swimming in her puddle jumper. I love it!

Backyard playin' at friends. 

Strawberry Picking. Well more like strawberry eating. 

Flying solo with Mom down to Texas to visit the fam! She was an angel on the way there and back. 

The best week ever with our family down in Texas!

Vacations back to back. From Texas to northern Michigan in a few days. And Macy's first time at the beach, which she loved loved loved.

We became Zoo and Children's museum members. 

Macy and I have a date at the park near our house at least once a week, if not more. It is about a mile away so its the perfect walking/running distance. Even if we go for 5 minutes, we both leave with happy hearts.

Visiting family ad first boat ride as a big girl. Let's just say boats + 2 year old = a stressful time for mom.

Learning how to be a good friend. The older she gets, the stronger her bonds gets with her little friends. She asks to see them by name every day. She is learning how to share, respect, and love her peers. 

Drum roll please... THE #1 highlight of the summer.... Her sleep regression has passed! It was an ugly 7ish weeks of waking up early in the morning, not wanting to nap, not wanting to go to bed, you name it. Through lots and lots of prayer, bribing, and luck, we have safely made it through alive. Macy gladly goes to bed each night with a book of her choice and is back to her normal sleeping hours. Praise the LORD. I meditated and prayed through Romans 5:3-5 over and over, which is the only thing that got me through. Hope does not disappoint. Can I get an Amen??


HAPPY SUMMER EVERYONE!

Macy Jane {2 years old}

Well this post is quite a bit overdue, but life around here has been cra-zay. Macy turned 2 in the midst of me studying and preparing for the biggest exam of life. Every single spare moment I have had away from being a mommy has been studying for my nurse practitioner national certification exam. As of last week- I have passed! And life can resume a sense of "normalcy" - at least for a few days here and there. We are on the brink of 2 vacations, me starting a new career, and Macy starting "school" {aka: daycare... For whatever reason, calling it school makes me feel better.}

In between studying, I have been home with Macy all summer and we have been living it up. I have not worked a lick at my previous job (nurse) since the winter as I focused on school and being a mom. Then it was studying and being a mom. And I am happy to report that now I get a few weeks to just BE A MOM! Wahoo! We have welcomed this with open arms.... A lot of zoo dates, swimming, splash parks, walks to the parks, you name it. Us Regal girls like to be on the go, and the summer is the perfect time of year for us!

Macy girl at her 2nd birthday party

So Macy Jane officially 2. A big girl. If I had to describe her in one word, i think I would choose "spunky". She is full of life, an extreme extrovert, funny, silly, on the go, constantly exploring her surroundings and learning something new, and very much independent and opinionated. So pretty much she is her mother to a tee. She always wants to know what is going on and if she sees other children around she will always make her way there and initiate play time.

Sweet girl in the dress my grandma made for her.

She always wants to know what is going on and is constantly asking, "Mommy, watchya doin'?" Every time I leave the room its: "Mommy come back!" "Mommy where are you?" "Com'ere Mommy!". All day every day. She always wants to play doll house, or crawl around on the ground and act like kitty cats. She has an extensive imagination that keeps me in awe.

Rough life.

Her most favorite thing by far this summer is the pool. Last year she was still a little weary of it, but oh man this little fish could be in the water all day every day now. Good thing we have some vacays on the horizon that will allow for that!

Princess Macy!

She is a girly-girl through and through. Loves Princess Sophia (From "Sophia the First") and I can't keep her out of my jewelry box for anything. I constantly find my bracelets and rings strung around the house. Every time I get her dressed she looks at me and says "Awwww so cute". She still loves the ipad, but is no where near as addicted as she used to be. She would much rather be on the go. She is finally getting in to watching movies which I love. By far her favorite is Frozen (whose isn't?!?) and most recently we've been watching a lot of "Ariel".

I love this picture. She insisted that Minnie and Daisy wear bows too.

She talks a lot, and in third person, which I find hilarious. Its constantly "Macy's turn" "Macy do it" "That's Macy's". It is very easy to communicate with her and know what she is wanting to tell me. She speaks in 3-5 word sentences now. As much as she loves to be around her friends, she is still not great at sharing. She has definitely mastered "It's miiiiiiiiiine" like a champ. She has had some pretty awesome temper tantrums, throwing herself down on the ground kicking her legs. But to be honest, those are few and far between. She is pretty reasonable about things, especially if you take the time to explain to her why we are doing something, or not letting her do something. She is very smart and her comprehension continues to blow me away.

I mean really? This girl loves her some Target.

I am truly blessed with an easy going, funny, spunky, smart little girl. But, she definitely has her way of keeping us on her toes. I used the BabyWise method with Macy and she was sleeping through the night before I went back to work when she was 12 weeks. She has always loved to go to bed, take naps, and has never once slept in our bed. We've had the same routine since day 1 and she has always thrived. That is, until, she turned 2. For whatever reason the day after her 2nd birthday her sleep has been a hot mess. It has totally thrown us for a loop, as sleeping was never even on our radar as a parenting hurdle. It started with her waking up screaming hysterically anywhere between 5-6am every morning and only taking 30 min naps. Ugh. Right in the midst of me studying and needing my energy. It has now transitioned to her hating her crib/being alone. Which has lead to her sleeping in our bed 3 separate times in the past week. Something I said I would NEVER EVER EVER do! I don't think it is healthy for me personally, but at this point we are in pure survival mode. We have let her cry (for HOURS), got a sleep timer clock, have been on an extremely strict and consistent routine, and most recently we transitioned her to a toddler bed, thinking maybe she is hating being trapped in her crib. We think it may have to do with so many changes in her life/routine at once and luckily I've heard from several other mommas about a "2 year sleep regression". Needless to say, it is a work in progress and has tested my patience but it's something we can deal with. She's happy and healthy and that's all that matters! 

I start my new job July 7, but am happy to share that I will only be working 3 days a week, every M/W/F. It really is like a dream come true. I loved my job as a nurse, but always knew my ultimate goal was to be a nurse practitioner, working with oncology patients. Now I get to do just that, but also spend time at home with my Macy girl. A direct blessing from God as this whole process has required a lot of prayer, patience, and obedience. But here we are! Lovin' life with our sweet TWO YEAR OLD!

The first time she ever fell asleep in our bed, while watching Frozen.

Countdown to 2

The countdown to 2 is officially on. Otherwise known as "22 Months of Macy." I remember this time last year going all crazy trying to plan Macy's first birthday party and mourning the loss of my "baby". The thought of Macy turning 2 does not make me as emotional as it did when she turned 1. She is such a big girl, so smart and funny, that in my mind she's practically an adolescent (with the attitude to match at times).

I know I sound like a broken record, but this age is SO MUCH FUN! It truly just gets better and better. Watching her grow and learn right before my eyes every single day is truly the most joyful aspect in my life.

At 22 months she:

-Is still tall, but I think she has finally slowed down. There for awhile she was growing like a weed. She has solidly been in 24m-2t clothes since last fall

My tall girl

-Is a decent eater. Some days I can't feed her enough, others she snacks on small things all day and won't eat a real meal. She still loves her fruits and veggies but would give her right arm for a "treat". We have a box of fruity Tic Tacs laying around the house that we let her have on rare occasion. That way it is portion-controlled and she doesn't get too hopped up on sugar.

Eating her favorite- Chick Fil A!

-Is still a great sleeper. She loves to go to sleep. Naps or bedtime, she truly enjoys it and smiles when I tell her it is time. She takes one nap per day, typically 1p-4p, and sleeps 8p-8a at night. She has been known to be the No Nap Ninja on occasion,  but thankfully it is rare.

-Is in the middle of weaning the paci. At 1 we took it away except for nap or night time, but we weren't SUPER strict about it. (Well I was, but the hubby not so much). Now there is a STRICT rule and even her Nanny is on board. This summer she will begin daycare and the thought of her taking a paci to daycare grosses me out. Who knows how many mouths it will end up in! So, here soon we will take paci away at nap time, then eventually nighttime. 

- Is currently obsessed with: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, bubbles, coloring, playing chase, horsey rides, our kitty-cat, being outside, and the girl could go up and down the slide all day long. Once the weather cooperates we will spend very little time inside, I can guarantee that. 

Luckily we have AWESOME parks in our area!

-Sings all day long. When I have watched shows like American Idol in the past and contestants would say "I've been singing since I was 2", I always thought -yeah right! But seriously, she sings all day long. Mostly to the car radio and loves her ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and her most recent obsession is Wheels on the Bus. 

Mesmerized by bubbles at Gymboree Play Place

-Hates the word No. Lately she cries every single time we tell her no, which is new. And she doesn't have a good recovery time -the crying fits can last up to 10 minutes! She is really learning to push the boundaries even when we do tell her no. So we are trying to learn proper and effective ways to discipline an almost-2-year-old.

-Did SO GOOD on our trip to Texas this month! When we went over Christmas she was super clingy and kind of a grump. I prayed for weeks that she would be her sweet silly self and thankfully God answered that prayer. She adjusted so well and loved all the time she got to be outside. It warmed my heart to see how excited she was to see everyone, she is finally at the age where she remembers people. She couldn't get enough of her Papa, Nana, Bubba, and Tay Tay!

My dad and Macy have a special bond. They were inseparable all week!

-Can count to her "teens". She can clearly count 1-12 then just says "teen", "teen", "teen". I have about a thousand videos of her counting because it's so dang cute. And she counts down 3,2,1 often too. Sometimes she gets confused and counts 1,2,3,4,3,2,1. Once again, I find that adorable. 

-Knows all her basic shapes and colors. Square, triangle, circle, star, and heart. Rectangles are squares and ovals are circles, and I'm ok with that. She loves to draw a (very squiggly) circle and point it out. Colors she's mastered include red, blue, green, yellow, and purple. She can also recognize most of the letters.

In her element. That smile lights up my world!

-Is my little parrot. She repeats EVERYTHING, and for the first time I feel like she is repeating it correctly. She has always mimicked what we said, but more so the cadence. Now she repeats the actual words and phrases. Most sentences are limited to 3-4 words. "Here I am!" "Where'd you go?" "I do it" etc. 

-Is such a girly-girl. Loves shoes, tutus, wearing her momma's jewelry, and anything sparkly.

-Has the memory of an elephant. If we play one silly game she will remember it and want to do the exact same thing days later, sitting in the exact same spot. You can't pull anything past her. She seriously remembers EVERYTHING. This could get us in trouble!

I love this picture so much! My best friends in the whole world (who I am lucky enough to call family).

As I was getting Macy out of the bath the other night, I wrapped her up in her towel and she leaned in and gave me the biggest wet kiss followed by sweet innocent giggles. And I just thought, wow, is she really mine? Being a parent is hard. My needs always have to come last and I learn as I go. But there is no greater joy than the love you feel for your child. I pray every night for wisdom on how to show Macy grace and mercy like Jesus does. This season of life is so sweet, and even though it can be hectic -my house is a mess, there is always school work to be done, and laundry to be put away- I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Jesus, Kyle, Macy. What more could a girl need? :)