Macy's First Birthday

Macy's first birthday weekend was absolutely amazing. We have so many special people in our life that really loved on her (and us) that weekend. It is definitely a time I will never forget. The weeks leading up to her birthday I had moments were I felt super sappy and would tear up as I reflected on the year that had passed. Obviously, I know that she will have a birthday every year (God willing) and I don't suspect each one will be as emotional as the first. Maybe it will, who knows!

Kyle's dad was the first to arrive on Thursday night. He flew in from San Antonio, TX to spend the long weekend with us. Her birthday being on Memorial Day weekend, it also meant that it fell on race weekend. Being from Indianapolis, we have a little race each year we like to call the Indy 500. It is kind of a big deal. So traveling here that weekend is VERY expensive (flights, hotels, etc) and inconvenient. It was also Game 1 of the Eastern conference finals for the Indiana Pacers. ((Love all of our Indy sports!)) So anyone coming our really had to make a sacrifice to get here.

As soon as Macy woke up on Friday morning (the day of her birthday) I went in and sang her Happy Birthday (on video, however no need to post). We snuggled and played and then Kyle's dad took us out to have a big yummy breakfast at Cracker Barrel. Little known fact to me was that Cracker Barrel sells the stinking cutest baby clothes! I had no idea!



About to chow down on her favorite foods



Sweet hat we found in the gift shop that we had to have!

The rest of the day was spent getting good naps, running errands for the party, and laying low. That evening we went over to my brother's house and hung out with more family that was arriving in to town. My grandparents made the trip up from McMinnville, TN just to see their first great grand baby turn one. So special.



Opening a few early presents from Uncle T and Aunt Carol

Once the evening was wrapping up I was ready to head home and get a good night's rest. Kyle's brother and his wife were driving in from Chicago and would be staying with us so I wanted to be home when they got there. I also just wanted to put Macy down early so she had plenty of rest before her big day- and I needed my beauty sleep too! For some reason my brother and Kyle kept telling me to just lay Macy down there and stay and hang out for awhile. I was getting so frustrated because I was tired and wanted to go home. I couldn't figure out why they weren't being more understanding. Finally my brother told me that a friend of ours was on her way over to bring something that he really wanted me to see. I was so confused but finally succumbed to their insistent wish that we stayed a little longer. About an hour later my brother, along with help from his girlfriend, Kyle and his dad, got me in his living room and told me keep my back turned from them. I was so confused! Finally I turned around and saw family all standing in his living room. I lost it. Hysterically started crying. My dad, step mom little brother and sister had spent the last 14 hours in the car driving up from Dallas, TX to Indy to surprise me for Macy's party. That was the first time in my life I've ever been surprised like that, and for something so special! There were so many reasons why I knew they weren't going to be able to make it. My sister had Taylor Swift tickets for that weekend (her favorite), my step mom had just started a new job the week before, the kids were still in school, etc. They all sacrificed so much to come up here to experience Macy's first birthday with us. Something I will never ever forget.


Kyle and I with my family right after the big reveal.

Between the excitement of their arrival and having a houseful of people, sleep came at a minimal that night. But I couldn't complain because no sleep was worth the joy I had in my heart. Saturday finally came and the day we had been planning for awhile was finally here! My amazing friends, Cassy and Drew, hosted Macy's party at their huge home. We were so appreciative! My theme was chalkboard and bunting in the colors of her nursery- aqua and pink.



The mantel. The chalkboard was so fun to make!



Cake table with a framed picture of her invite



Close up of her chalkboard stats and her monthly pics on a banner



Cake table



Seating and high chair



My beautiful family! (yes we matched the party... on purpose)



My family! Somehow they figured out what we were going to wear and packed to match. Amazing!



Macy and her cake. She hated it. Wouldn't touch it.



Such a ham all day. Presh.



Cassy, the amazing hostess and Lauren, my party planning genius

The party was amazing. We had about 40 friends and family from all areas of our life intermingling and sharing the day with us. My cousin and her kids from Tennessee came up and our friends in Chicago came down- we literally had people from all over the country with us. I wish I had gotten more pictures, especially of everyone that was there but I had no time to hold a camera in my hand. All of these pics were stolen from others.

Macy was of course spoiled with everything from toys to books to clothes. She did great and I was able to lay her down in her pack and play as soon as it ended. Her party was everything I had every hoped it would be, and way more. Even though the decor was exactly how I imagined it in my head we could have had just a cake and it would have been perfect. It was the people in our lives that made it so special. I will make sure that Macy will always know how special her big first birthday was for the rest of her life. I know I will.

Mother's Day

For the first time in over 3 years, Mother's Day was not spent in time of mourning, but rather of happiness.

It was so nice to feel a joyful heart this year, and to feel celebrated. I definitely feel that I have earned the right to enjoy the day- being that I have been doing this motherhood thing for almost a year now. Last year I was a few weeks away and even though I was already a mommy to a baby in my tummy, this year it felt much more "real".

My first day as a mom!

Mommy and baby girl

Because I had to work on the actual day, we celebrated the day before, on Saturday. It was the perfect day. We went to breakfast at a yummy cafe down the street from our house then came back and all took a nap. 2 hours to be exact. It was amazing. Afterwards we lounged and played and eventually went out shopping. What more would a girl want than to have her hubby take her shopping? We went to a couple of places, and we all found something. (It is physically impossible to not buy something for sweet pea). After we were tuckered out shopping we headed to McAllister's for a yummy light dinner. Being that I am currently in the midst of the Advocare 10 Day Cleanse, I didn't  want to go somewhere that would be too tempting to cheat. After we laid Macy down Kyle and I snuggled up on the couch and watched This is 40 (review: equally funny and depressing). I loved every single minute of that day.

Yummy dinner at McAllister's Deli

Sunday morning I had to head in to work, but I was not bitter at all because Saturday was perfect. I got home around 5 Sunday night and we went for a family walk. The perfect end to a perfect weekend. My hubby definitely made me feel special, and the best gift of all was that Macy was finally feeling like herself after about 2 weeks of being sick. She was happy, funny, laughing and kept walking up to give me hugs. My heart almost exploded multiple times over the weekend.

Fun at the park

I have to say that motherhood is ultimately a gift, and a job I try not to take for granted. I have been so blessed with my mom and my step mom in my life. I strive everyday to be the perfect balance of love and structure for my sweet little one. I am so thankful God chose me to mommy to Macy Jane!

Irrational Fears of a New Mom

For me, motherhood has brought on a sense of anxiety I have never known or experienced before. Previous to motherhood, I would say I was a pretty easy going person so these new waves of fear have really been disturbing me lately. I think dealing with her being sick for several days last week really accelerated these feelings I have been having.

For example, sometimes when I'm looking at Macy I will stroke her hair and think to myself, "I will probably never get to see her hair grown out long" because something is going to happen to her before she is old enough. Or when her and Kyle leave in the mornings to head to the sitter I get this awful pit in my stomach as I worry they will get in a car accident on the way there. When she woke up for the 4th day in a row with a fever last week I was convinced she had leukemia.

Part of me understands that this is common with motherhood. After asking other moms I know, they have all told me that they experience the same fears and worries too. But for me, I was feeling extremely anxious and then would feel guilty for being so fearful. So I knew it was something that I really  needed to work through.

In my discipleship group we are working through a study called Proverbs 31: A Woman that Fears the Lord. It just so happens that this past week's chapter was titled "She is Not Afraid". The main focus was having a peace of mind with God and the section titled "fear" really resonated with me and my current new mom struggles.

It says, "We fear losing those things that contribute to our safety, health, jobs, material possessions and loved ones. These are our 'security blankets' and any real or imagined  threat to them will rob us of our peace of mind. This tormenting kind of fear is a result of failing to trust God. To take Him at His Word, or to claim His promises."

That's my answer. I don't trust God with Macy. Is it because I have not been obedient in my time with God lately? Am I letting my worldly self take over? It was a real convicting realization, but a relieving one as well. I knew that peace could be found. I am tormenting myself by imagining these threats.

I brought these fears/anxiety to my friends in our group and got great feedback. First and foremost, that YES, it is completely normal to feel anxiety and fear for our child. We only wants what is best for them and their safety. But also these 2 sweet reminders as well:

-Macy is a gift from God. She is His child.

-God loves Macy even more than I love her.

Reminding myself of these promises has really helped me alleviate these moments of anxiety. I will never stop worrying, hoping and wishing for her. But I will learn to trust God with her life. I will pray for her every single day. I will do my best not to waste time thinking of all of these "what ifs", but rather enjoy the moment with her. Even these past couple days have been already been better and I am so grateful for those 2 sweet reminders!

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above" James 1:17

11 Months of Macy

Welp. It's time to write one of my last monthly updates for my sweet baby, infant, monster child, toddler. So sad! I have to say, this little one amazes me every single day. The love I have for her just keeps growing and growing to the point I feel like my heart may explode. Being a mom is so rewarding and she makes my job SO EASY.

April 24, 2013

11 Month Updates

Weight: Once again, I haven't weighed her. If I had to guess I would say around 21 lbs

Height: Not sure, will find out at her 1 year check up.

Diaper size: 4

Clothing size: 12-18 months. 12 month pants BARELY fit those long legs.

Feeding/Sleeping: Not much change in the sleeping department. Goes down around 7:30 and sleeps until 7:30. As far as feeding goes she absolutely REFUSES to be fed to. Which can be difficult at times when we are out and about because easy to eat foods that she can mash up (with only 4 teeth) can be hard to come by. We make the best of it though, and embrace the mess :) We are also starting to wean the bottle and as of yesterday dropped the first one, so she is down to 3 a day. I am definitely looking forward to getting rid of those! Plus she barely drinks them during the day, the one she (and we) will miss the most will be her first one. We usually get her out of her crib and put her in bed with us for her morning bottle. We love those few moments of cuddle time with her, which are rare!

Time to get rid of these bottles, mama!

Panera Mac and cheese...that she of course, had to feed herself.

Milestones: WALKING! We have a full time walker on her hands! She started walking right at 10.5 months and hasn't looked back. She is also clapping now, which is a new thing for her. And she does it when appropriate too, which is so cute. 

Clapping!

Loves: Miss Independent LOVES her books lately. I can barely pull her away from them. She also loves to give high fives, which she is very proud of. And she likes to share her food too which I find so stinking cute. She will take a puff, then reach up to give you one right in your mouth. Love that time with her. If she can be on her feet exploring her surroundings she is a happy girl.

I could barely get a picture of her because she was too busy reading.

Mommy's jewelry is too fun!

Dislikes: There isn't a lot she doesn't like but I would have to say she can get frustrated easily as she is exploring the world more on her own. Like I mentioned before, she HATES to be fed to and as always, is not a fan of getting her face wiped.

We will put this under 'dislikes'- Macy got pooped on by a bird this past week when we were out for a walk. Nice.

Adventures: She finally got to meet more family that lives across the country when they came in town for the Race for the Cure. It was a freezing cold morning but she did great for her first 5k! We loved our time with them and our family for such a special occasion.

Uncle Alan and Hadley came to visit all the way from Salt Lake City!

First 5k as family of 3!

What we couldn't live without: Shoes! Now that this little mama is on the move we have to put rubber soled shoes on her anytime we leave the house. An excuse to shop, darn. She is still loving her paci, which I have a feeling is going to be harder to wean than I am anticipating. But I am sticking to my guns, and will have her weaned by 1 year. As least in public. We may stick to paci at naps and night time for a bit longer, but I personally am not a fan of the paci in public on toddlers. But to each their own, of course.

Too cool for her own good.

I can't believe this little mama is going to ONE so soon! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

10 Months of Macy

Let the countdown to having a one year old begin! The 10 month mark has kicked me in to full "1st birthday party planning mode" (which helps distract me from the sadness that my baby is growing up so fast)!

As always, Macy Jane has continued to amaze me this month with her ability to learn new things and continually grow in her skills. Her smile lights up any room she is in and we can't go anywhere with out people stopping us to tell us how beautiful our baby is. Swoon. As every mom feels, I truly feel so blessed and lucky we got such a sweet easy going blue eyed baby! Praise the Lord!

10 Month Stats:

March 24, 2013

Weight: Didn't weigh her, but I would guess about 21 lbs

 

Height: Long!

 

Loves to stand her shoes.

Diaper size: Officially moved up to size 4

 

Clothing size: 12-18 months for this long baby

 

Feeding/Sleeping: Sad to say, but the 2 2 hour naps a day are starting to dwindle in to 2 1ish hour naps a day. I am having a harder time adjusting to that than she is because I still feel like she NEEDS to be sleeping more. She is still sleeping like a champ at night and has pushed her wake up time to 8-8:30 (holla!) As far as feeding goes she has started to despise being fed baby food. She wants to feed herself and always wants whatever we are eating. That can be challenging when we are lazy and just order out so I have been doing my best at having fruits and vegetables and shredded chicken stocked in the house at all times for her. When we are out and about she will eat baby food out of a squeeze packet so that helps. Its so fun to watch her try new foods!

 

Happy girl feeding herself

Milestones: She has definitely mastered the "pincer grasp" and has TAKEN HER FIRST STEPS! She is cruising around on her feet while scaling furniture, but her main means of transportation is definitely crawling still.
 

 

Loves: To be on the GO! She is happiest when she can be on the move, exploring her surroundings. Little momma is a busy body. She also loves to take stuff out of whatever it is in. For example, she loves to empty her drawers or take everything out of the diaper bag. Another thing she loves, that she has always loved, is burying her face into anything that is soft, like a stuffed animal or soft blanked. It is probably the cutest thing ever.

 

Dislikes: To be held when there is crawling and exploring to accomplish. Still hates getting her faced wiped and she has made changing her diaper a REAL challenge lately!

 

Adventures: Welp, if you can call burning her arm an adventure, we experienced that this month. She went to the Children's museum for the first time, got her first pedicure (from mommy), celebrated St. Patrick's Day and got to meet the Easter bunny!
 

What we couldn't live with out: Working on weaning her paci, and leaving it for nap time and sleep time only. So far, she doesn't seemed phased by that. Phew! Still love her sounds machine, soft blankets, and hair bows of course!



First St Patricks Day



Playdate at the Children's Museum



Reach in, take it out, repeat.



LOVED LOVED the Easter bunny!



My whole world.

The ULTIMATE mom fail.

I knew it was bound to happen, but when it did, let me tell you, it was terrible. My sweet perfect little angel baby finally got hurt. And the worst part- it was my fault.

Macy was taking her morning nap and I was getting ready in my room. Our bedrooms are connected through a bathroom (Jack and Jill style) and I didn't want to get ready in the bathroom in case I woke her up. Instead I decided to get ready in my room, on the floor, in front of the mirrored closet doors. I curled my hair and did my make up , and once Macy woke up I quickly got up and got her bottle ready, brought her to my room and fed her. We were going to meet a friend for lunch so I was kind of in a rush. Once she was done with her bottle I put her down on the floor so I could get dressed. She loves to play in my make up and I just didn' think twice when she crawled that way. Honestly, I even forgot that my curling iron was still on. Before I knew it she screamed- a painful shrill- and when I looked down at her she was right by the iron. Many explicit thoughts ran through my mind- AHH oh my gosh shoot shoot shoot. I quickly scooped her up and assessed her hands, but I saw nothing. She literally only cried for less than 10 seconds and squirmed out of my arms so she could continue playing. After that I got her dressed and we headed out the door. I thought to myself "phew- that could have been bad!"

Once we were at my friend Lindy's house I told her how Macy must have quickly touched my curling iron, but luckily nothing happened. About 30 minutes later while we were eating Macy crawled toward Lindy and she gasped, "Ashley! I see it! Her burn.. it's bad!" I about choked on my chicken and quickly grabbed her and was devastated when I saw it. Her poor wrist was blistered and red. Yes, I am a pediatric nurse, yes, I am in NP school... No, I had no idea what to do. Burns are definitely not my specialty. I called my pediatrician and the nurse told me to just cover it with some Neosporin or Silvadine keep it wrapped and she should be fine.

This is what the burn looked like when I first noticed it. Absolutely broke my heart, she of course was fine.

Poor little blistered arm.

This is the burn the next evening. I thought that it looked better.

I took the above picture in to work with me on Friday and started asking some opinions. I ended up on the Burn Unit and spoke with the charge nurse who told me I need to bring her in "right away". They were only open until 1pm and weren't open again until Monday and I couldn't leave it untreated that long. Let me tell you, that was a blow- first I am a bad mom for letting it happen, second I am a bad mom for not bringing her in to get in treated! Ah! I was able to leave work and go pick her up and bring her back to the Burn clinic where the debride it and put on a medication that would help it heal better.

At her first doctor appointment in the burn clinic. She clearly was not phased!

Macy with her bandage. She ignored if for the first week, but then became increasingly obsessed with taking it off.

We went in again the following Monday and they were happy with the progress, told us to keep doing the same thing and come in again on Friday.

The burn after a couple of days of using Santyl.

On Friday they saw it and were very happy with her progress. Now we are just applying Eucerin and a dressing to keep her from playing with it.

I'm going to be just fine mom!

Macy was great at letting them do the dressing changes!

All in all it was a pretty terrible experience. I have never felt such pain in my heart before, and even though in the big picture her burn is minimal, I had a very hard time shaking the mommy guilt that came with it. Several seasoned moms have comforted me by saying how it happens to everyone and telling much scarier experiences they have had. It was an eye opener though can only pray that God keeps her safe from harm no matter where she is the rest of her life. I pray that I have the wisdom to help keep her safe and that I will always be the one who protects her, not harms her!

So there it is. My major mom fail experience. Lesson learned: TURN OFF YOUR CURLING IRONS WHEN YOU ARE DONE WITH THEM. Something I have taken lightly, until now of course.

At the end of the day my sweet smiling energetic baby is going to be just fine and for that I am grateful. I just love her to pieces!

9 Months of Macy

How did this happen? How do I have a 9 month old? I feel like I can barely refer to her as my "baby" anymore. More like my "growing-getting-into-everything-cute-as-ever funny child". The heartbreak over my baby not being so much a baby anymore is softened by how cute and adorable and hilarious and awesome she is. I love learning her little (big) personality and watching her learn and grow daily before my eyes. She truly does amaze me every day.

9 Month Stats

February 24, 2013

Weight: 20 lbs 12oz. (50-75%)

Height: 28 1/2 inches (50-75%) As you can see that is a half inch shorter than last month. I had a hard time believing that height at 6 months, even though I know she's long. It was way off the charts and I figured it was probably due to the inaccuracy of how they measure squiggly babies.

Doctor says I'm "perfect"!

Clothing Size: All pants are 12-18 months, can still fit in to some 9 month tops.

12 month pants and shirt, 18 month hoodie

Diaper size: 3

Feeding/sleeping: Sleeping is the same. We have introduced a lot more finger foods. Her favorite by far is bananas followed closely by clementines, avocados, mums and puffs. We eased up a little on making her food because I had a hard time figuring out how to incorporate proteins and grains. My favorite food is Earth's Best. They are organic, natural, and Macy loves them! She will eat any of their flavors. I tried the organic Gerber but she wasn't a big fan.

Milestones: She has her first toofers! One is sticking out all the way and the second has officially cut skin. She also can walk behind a push toy like a boss! I love watching her accomplish new tricks!

Loves: To be on the move! She is constantly on the go. She likes to follow me around and crawl up my legs. But as soon as I pick her up she wants right back down. Silly girl.

First time walking behind this toy. She loved it!

Dislikes: Still a short list. But when she decides she doesn't like something she definitely verbalizes it now. She has mastered the "fake cry" when I take something away from her she shouldn't have or put her down when she wants to be held. I do my best to ignore it and not reward her by giving in. "Baths in the sink" have become more like "dips in the sink" due to her constant need to explore.

Can't slow this girl down.

Adventures: Wish I had more to add to the list. Her biggest adventures include going to the grocery store, playing in the nursery at church and the gym I work out at, and dinner dates with our friends.

Dinner date with the girls!

One of my favorite pictures ever. First time on this toy and she loved it!

Playing the babies at Midtown 

What we couldn't live without: As long as we have her and a place for her to roam we are all a happy family!

Besties.