And then there were 4.

(written July 31, 2015)

How we got here

Dusting the blog off for the first time in over a year, but for a very exciting reason. I am officially pregnant with baby number 2. What a joy and blessing. But it has not been an easy road to get here. 

Ever since we had Macy we weren’t sure what our plans to expand our family would be. After she was born I was busy finishing up grad school and it seemed there were a lot of factors in our life up in the air. When Macy turned 2 I loved it so much, I wasn’t even sure I wanted any more kids. We were whole, complete, and so satisfied. My heart was full. I graduated the May she turned 2 then started my new job, a whole new career. I knew I didn’t want to get pregnant right away so I could get settled in this new role. Finally by the end of 2014, my heart started telling me I wanted to expand our family. Macy is such a social being, thriving off interaction with others, with enough energy to light up a city. This girl definitely needs a sibling. 

We waited until the turn of the year, and got right to work. Naturally (foolishly), I assumed we would try and get pregnant the very first month. We weren’t even trying when I conceived Macy, so obviously we make babies pretty easily right? The first month came and went and I wasn’t pregnant. I was super bummed but tried not to be too hard on myself considering it had only been one month. The next month came, and once again, no baby was made. This time I was really sad. So the next month I decided to track my ovulation instead of going off the calendar so we KNEW exactly when to try to conceive. During this time I started having a ton of break through bleeding, and never ovulated that month, and my cycle was 43 days long. That is when I really started to worry something was wrong with me, and I came to the realization this wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought it would be. The longer we tried, the stronger my desire became to have another baby. I cried out to God, saddened that my body was failing me. I had an ultrasound done which revealed a large fibroid on my uterus, and my OB mentioned we should “wait and watch” it for a while. If it continued to grow then I should have it surgically removed. And if that happened, I would have to wait at least 6+ months before trying to conceive again. I was absolutely heartbroken with this news. This wasn’t the plan. I wanted Macy to have a sibling and now I wasn’t sure if that was going to be a possibility for at least another year. I shed a lot of tears but prayed to God for peace, and He answered my prayers quickly. Life with one child is amazing. If one day we have another, than that will be just another blessing, but for now we are so lucky to have our sweet healthy girl. 

In the mean time I also had to switch OBs as my previous one was leaving her practice. My new OB performed another ultrasound and felt that even though the fibroid was quite large, it was in an “optimal place” for conceiving. She did not believe I would need to have surgery prior to having another baby. My heart sang with joy after I met with her. My next question was, well why am I not ovulating? She offered I see a fertility specialist, but also said I could trial Clomid for a few months to see if that would help. I was totally on board with trying the Clomid and got right to work. We were now in month 6 of the conceiving process so I was excited to try it. I took it the first month, had a blood draw that confirmed I ovulated, and when it was time to take a pregnancy test I just KNEW it was going to positive.  

Well it wasn’t. And the torture continued as I was 5 days late. I finally started my period and I was devastated. I couldn’t blame it on not ovulating this time. This is when the fear really started to enter in. What is wrong with my body? Was my OB wrong and I wouldn’t be able to conceive without first having surgery? I cried for a good day, then went on with life. I knew we would be out of state visiting family the next time I would be fertile so I didn’t take Clomid the second month. We had normal “activities” not planned around any timing, and when I started my period that month I didn’t cry. For the first time in 6 months. I told myself I would give this Clomid thing one more try before seeking the fertility specialist and really guarded my heart on any expectations. I did track my ovulation this month, but for the first time I really felt relaxed about the whole situation. It wasn’t consuming my every thought. It wasn’t really on my mind at all actually. Before I knew it, it was 14 days after I ovulated and I knew I could take a test. I popped out of bed early Saturday morning and took a test. There was the faintest of faint lines and I was ecstatic. I had taken so many tests in the past 8 months that I knew that even a faint line was good. I crawled back in bed and praised Jesus. I cried again, but this time they were tears of joy. All the heart ache over the past 8 months has brought me here, worshiping the Lord with my whole being, at 6 am on dreary Saturday morning. I told my husband once he woke up but he wasn’t as excited about the faint line as I was. He was worried I was setting myself up for an epic let down. He wanted more concrete proof so the next morning I took a digital test, which of course read “pregnant” right away. I was giddy to see that. 

Now, at only 5 weeks, I feel I am still in just a “waiting” period. I know there are so many risks this early on so I am keeping mum, and praying for this little baby in womb every day. That it would grow and thrive, and it would one day know Jesus. If all goes planned, I would be due mid-April. I will have my first ultrasound at the end of next month, and after that time I think I will finally be able to let out a good “sigh” of relief. I am feeling well, still like myself. I didn’t start really feeling anything until I was right at 6 weeks with Macy, so we will see what happens here soon. But to be honest, I would be blessed and privileged to feel sick because that meant that my hormones are doing everything they can do form this baby and I am good with that!

The first positive test with a very faint "plus sign"

Officially PREGNANT!