11 week bump and a bump date

11 weeks came with ultrasound #2 and the first time meeting my OB since finding out we were pregnant. As soon as the US tech placed the probe (you know where) I could see the large fibroid staring right back at me. Compared to the size of the baby/sac, it is startling to see. It measured 10 cm, so not too much growth since week 7, but still so so so much bigger than any of us had anticipated it would be. The surge of those first trimester hormones + 2 rounds of clomid increased the fibroid from 4.8 cm to 10 cm. Ugh. The good news, well GREAT news, was that baby measured exactly on track with a strong heart beat of 154 bmp. Listening to that rapid heart beat never gets old. 

The picture is upside down, but as you can see, the fibroid is already making itself known (at the bottom of the pic)

I finally got to meet with my OB to discuss the implications of this all. As part of her job, she had to start off by reviewing the possibilities we could endure with a fibroid this size. Miscarriage, preterm labor -all of the things I had previously read online. She really felt our biggest risk will be limited fetal growth in the final weeks, and if this is the case, the baby will have to be born early. If for some reason I am not able to delivery vaginally and require a c-section, then more risks can occur. She won't know until she opens me up to see exactly where the fibroid is. If she had to cut through it to get to the baby, she would not be able to close my uterus back up (because it is dead tissue) and therefore I would need a hysterectomy. That was definitely eye opening news. I mean hello I am only 30. And I definitely don't feel ready to close the baby making chapter in my life. When she did my physical exam she noted that the top of my uterus was already up to my umbilicus, so because of the fibroid I measured 18 weeks. No wonder I couldn't fit in to anything already! The consultation was about an hour and I left feeling so overwhelmed. I asked her, is this (the pregnancy) even news I should be sharing with others? She reassured me that the baby was measuring perfectly and there was no reason to believe anything was going to terminate the pregnancy at this point. 

9 weeks, people already asking me when I am due. 

Talk about a spiral of emotions, again. I have yet to ever leave her office feeling relieved. Of course, I was so happy to see the baby thriving. But the thought of all of the unknowns to come took me awhile to wrap my head around. To be honest I started feeling really guilty. Did I rush this? Should I have listened to my previous OB and had surgery first? Am I putting myself and this baby at risk because I was so desperate to have a baby when I thought "was good timing". The feelings of guilt were eating away at me and I had to remind myself that  God is in control. I did not make this baby. The fact that two cells can come together and form another human being is life's biggest miracle. Only God could do that, and he chose to do that, exactly when he did. 

Weeks 7-11 were pretty rough. The nausea finally went away by week 12- thank you Jesus! The fatigue is better, so much better, but still so bad at the same time. I have about a good 4 hours in me each day. Much more than that I'm on the struggle bus. My body changed so quickly this time so that has really been a mind game. Talk about body dysmorphia. I went from not being pregnant to looking like I was 5 months pregnant in a matter of 3 weeks. Whoa. I still haven't gotten back in to working out. I am holding on to hope that as I round the corner in to the second trimester that I will have more energy (and desire) to. 

I will be getting ultrasounds every 4 weeks through out my pregnancy to measure the fibroid and baby growth. So there's one upside to this all. My next one is next week. Now that I have "officially" shared our news I feel so vulnerable. I still can't help but feel the other shoe is going to drop at any point and I will be told something is terribly wrong. And then once your news is out, you have to explain it all again. But like I said, I am doing my best to protect my mind from these thoughts and stay positive. To remember the baby (as far as I know) is growing and thriving. And that God chose us to be pregnant at this very time. 

Ready or not, the news is officially official!